


You Are What You Eat

by Boogum



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen, Humor, Sokka has a Plan, Suki is so done, Toph is a Troll, Weird Things Keep Happening to the Gaang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 01:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16316498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boogum/pseuds/Boogum
Summary: Sokka did not like leafy things. For once, that was actually a good thing.





	You Are What You Eat

**Author's Note:**

> You have Advocaat to thank for this one. I was bored at work and asked for a prompt. This is the result.

Sokka did not like eating leafy things. In fact, the very act seemed to be a crime against nature. He was a warrior who had been raised in the snowy plains of the Southern Water Tribe. He ate meat, fish, jerky (these were different food categories, according to his stomach), and sea prunes … which were still kind of like meat. On the odd occasion he had been forced to eat something that resembled a plant, it was bitter, stewed in hot water, and (apparently) intended to cure whatever illness he had picked up (but, to his younger self, had felt more like Gran Gran's attempts to poison him). Leafy things were not for every day eating unless you were a small, furry thing. Sokka was not a small, furry thing.

So, when Aang had become part of the family and introduced the idea of vegetarianism, Sokka had been confused. Aang was small, but he was not furry. (The shiny bald head was kind of a giveaway.) Sokka did not understand the boy's need to consume leafy things, let alone forgo meat altogether. Sure, he got that it was some kind of Air Nomad "Sanctity of Life" mumbo jumbo, but still. It was weird. It was the kind of thing that Sokka might have dreamt up as a nightmare. (All the scenario needed was for the leafy things to start talking and his terror would have been complete.)

Meat was the hallowed food that made life worth living. Leafy things were just … leafy things.

Needless to say, even after a year of travelling with a vegetarian, Sokka was not interested in trying the supposedly wondrous garden salad that had taken Omashu's Harmony Food Festival by storm. Just the name made him suspicious. _Garden salad_. What did that even mean? What was this salad business? Was there a special garden where Master Gardeners cultivated salads? Why was it so frilly and colourful? More importantly, where was the meat?

"It's a garden salad," Aang said, repressing a smile. "There is no meat."

Sokka's expression became pained, as if the garden salad's lack of meaty bits had grievously wounded him. Katara took pity on him and said she thought she'd seen a fried meat stall on the other end of the market. There were even some of those spicy kebabs he had liked so much when they had stayed in Fire Fountain City.

"Spicy kebabs?" Zuko repeated, raising his nose to the air as if trying to sniff out the source of his nation's cuisine. "Do you think they have battered fire flake sticks as well?"

"A man after my own heart," Sokka said with appreciation. He slung his arm around Zuko's shoulders. "Let's go."

"Hold it," Toph said, raising a wall of earth to block their path. "Sunshine Lord here isn't going anywhere. You know what Uncle said."

Zuko's shoulders slumped. "That I'm representing my people and can't afford to come across as prejudiced."

"Which means?" Toph prompted.

His shoulders slumped further. "That I can't just stay by the Fire Nation stalls."

Aang flashed him a grin. "Don't worry, Zuko. There's plenty of nice food here. Plus, you can have those fire flake things and kebabs anytime." His eyes brightened. "Hey, you should come try the garden salad with me! The cherry tomatoes are supposed to be super good, and it's even based on an Air Nomad dish!"

Zuko heaved a sigh. "Cherry tomatoes. Great."

Sokka patted the young Fire Lord on the shoulder. "Sorry, buddy. I'll see if I can sneak you a kebab."

"Thanks," Zuko muttered.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us, Sokka?" Suki asked. "Everyone's been raving about the salad. I mean, just look at the line. It's got to be good if so many people are queuing up for it. Plus, all you eat is meat. You need more greens."

Sokka glanced at the line of people that started at the salad stall and sprawled through the market like a snake. "I think I'll pass," he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture. "The only colour food should be is meaty and dripping with fatty juices."

"Meaty is not a colour," Katara pointed out, rolling her eyes.

"It sounds good to me," Toph said with a shrug. "Lead the way, Snoozles."

"Wait, you're going with Sokka?" Zuko exclaimed, rounding on the tiny earthbender.

"I'm not Fire Lord of the nation everyone hates," Toph said with cheerful bluntness. She raised her hand in a careless wave. "Have fun with your salad."

Sokka gave Zuko a sympathetic glance, but even the pity he felt for a fellow, meat-loving male was not enough to make him suffer through eating suspicious leafy things. He left the Fire Lord to the mercies of Aang, Suki and Katara while he, with Toph at his side, followed his nose to the stalls filled with fried meaty goodness. The Fire Nation might have done a lot of terrible things during the Hundred Year War, but what they did with a bit of batter and meat was pure magic. It was enough to bring tears to his eyes.

Oh, wait, that was the chili seasoning on his shrimptopus ball.

"Hot!" Sokka exclaimed, spitting out the food and floundering for a cup of water, complete with dramatic arm waving.

Toph chortled and mocked him like the little demon she was, making vulgar innuendoes about balls and his questionable manliness. No doubt she had picked up such talk during her days as an Earth Rumble champion. She certainly hadn't learnt it at that fancy home of hers. Not that Sokka was surprised by her behaviour. Toph had always been crude, sarcastic and blunt to a fault. He got her back by giving her an extra spicy curry bun that he claimed was filled with sweet coconut. Her eyes and nose were still streaming minutes later. It was a magical sight.

"I will crush you," Toph promised him as they headed back to meet with the others.

Sokka just grinned. "How's the tongue?"

Her milky eyes narrowed. In an attempt to cool her mouth, she was walking around with her tongue sticking out like a panting polardog. This was also a magical sight. Sokka wished he had a way to capture it forever. His smile faded, however, when he spotted the crowd around the garden stall. It wasn't an orderly line like before. Instead, the people had gathered like a swarm, and there was an edge of panic and anger to their voices.

"What the heck?" Sokka muttered.

Toph hit her foot against the ground, using her bending to see past the wall of bodies. "Something weird is going on in there."

The truth of this observation was hit home to him when the crowd parted for two of the festival security guards. At the centre of the commotion was a group of giant leafy things. Man-shaped, giant leafy things. It was like a child had cut out people-like blobs made of cabbage, with no defining features except for the slightly hollowed bits that might have been eyes and a crease-like slit for a mouth. Some of the blobs were on their knees, shaking and gripping their crinkly heads. Others just stood around looking lost. A few were trying to attack the stall, but their formless hands brushed against the construction like paper. There looked to be about twenty-three of the leafy people.

"Th-the heck?" Sokka stammered.

"Oh, good, you're both here!" Suki jumped down from a roof, landing with the gracefulness of a fox-cat. "We've got a problem."

"Yeah, Omashu has been overrun by giant cabbage people!" Sokka pointed at said cabbage people for emphasis.

Toph blew her fringe out of her face. "Calm down, Snoozles." Her milky gaze fixed on Suki's general direction. "So, what happened?"

"Hold up," Sokka said, whipping his head from left to right as he glanced around the market square. "Where's everyone else?"

"That's what I was about to say," Suki said, and pointed at the stall. "The salad—the one everyone in Omashu was going on about—well, it turns out that the cabbages that were used in it had been cursed by the great Cabbage Spirit."

Sokka blinked. Then, because this didn't seem like enough, he blinked some more. "Cabbage … Spirit?"

Suki shrugged. "It appeared before us and said it had come on behalf of its faithful worshipper to deal out justice to those who had dared to destroy and disrespect its illustrious cabbages. Or something like that." She shook her head. "The point is that people started turning into these cabbage things, including Katara, Zuko and Aang."

Sokka paled. "My sister is a cabbage."

Toph's mouth curved into a wicked grin. "The Fire Lord is a cabbage."

Suki planted her hands on her hips. "This isn't a joke, Toph! Aside from the fact that Zuko's condition could have serious consequences for peace efforts if the Fire Nation thinks that this was planned by the Earth Kingdom, the _Avatar_ —the bridge to the Spirit World—is also now one of those cabbage things. Do you know what that means?"

The smile fell from Toph's lips. "Oh."

"Yes, _oh_." Suki sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "If Aang had been spared, we could have at least got him to cross into the Spirit World and get that cabbage bastard to fix this mess. Now it's going to be that much harder. King Bumi has requested assistance from the Order of the White Lotus and the scholars at Ba Sing Se to see if anyone has any suggestions, but no one really has a clue what to do. It's not like we can send a letter to the Cabbage Spirit requesting an audience."

Sokka punched his fist into his palm. "I got it! You mentioned that the Cabbage Spirit said something about coming on behalf of one of its worshippers, right?"

Suki nodded.

"Then that means this worshipper probably knows where the Cabbage Spirit's shrine is," Sokka explained. "If we can find that shrine, we can find a way to communicate with the spirit!"

Suki rubbed her chin. "That could work. Spirits are connected to their shrines. The problem is that we don't know the identity of this cabbage worshipper."

"Actually, I think I might," Sokka confessed.

He remembered the angry merchant who had ordered King Bumi to behead him, Katara and Aang for damaging the merchant's prized cabbages. In fact, throughout their adventures in the Earth Kingdom, Team Avatar had kept on running into the merchant and his cart of cabbages. Sokka wouldn't be surprised if that crazy old coot had somehow managed to summon the Cabbage Spirit to carry out his cabbagy revenge.

Well, too bad for the coot that Sokka wasn't just a dashingly handsome guy with a boomerang. He was also renowned for being the Plan Guy, and right now he had just come up with a brilliant plan to fix this mess.

A slow smile spread across Sokka's lips. "Who's up for another adventure?"

Toph and Suki responded with answering grins. The last time he and the girls had worked together, they'd taken out a whole fleet of Fire Nation airships. One Cabbage Spirit and a crazy merchant didn't stand a chance.

"Alright," Sokka said, raising his fist to the air. "Team Boomerocks and Fans is back in action!"

There was an awkward pause. He turned to find that both girls were giving him unimpressed stares.

"That name sucks," Toph said bluntly.

Suki agreed. She didn't like that the "fans" part seemed tagged on at the end.

Sokka scratched his chin. "Huh, I thought it was pretty good. You know, cause I've got the boomerang, Toph has earthbending, and—"

"And it still sucks," Toph finished for him. "Team Toph is Awesome would be better."

"You just want to make it about yourself!" Sokka accused, pointing his finger at her. "There are three of us!"

"Can you bend metal?" Toph asked him.

"No, but—"

"Can you create transportation out of earth or topple entire buildings by yourself?"

"No, but—"

Toph spread her hands. "I rest my case."

Sokka curled his hands into fists. "Hey, I'm the one who came up with this plan, so—"

"Oh, enough!" Suki snapped. "Let's just forget the team name! This isn't the time to be worrying about such matters. We need to help our friends!"

Sokka and Toph exchanged sheepish glances.

"Besides," Suki said, striding ahead, "Team Kyoshi is obviously the best choice."

"SUKI!"

Sokka dashed after the Kyoshi warrior, calling her a hypocrite and demanding that she help them to come up with a better team name. In the end, they all agreed upon one that they felt suited them to a T. Even Toph couldn't complain.

Sokka grinned at the two girls. "Okay, Team Badass, let's go kick some Cabbage Spirit butt!"

The war against the leafy things had begun. With meat and badassery on their side, there was no way they could lose. Team Badass would make sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: There's a garden salad. And it's magnificent. People are lining up all the way down the block to try this salad. But it has a dark secret. Twenty three people have already succumbed.
> 
> I will not be expanding on this, but I hope you enjoyed all the same.


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